The Revision Vignettes: 3. A Lion No More

"Shhhh!"

"But it's just a battle scene!" I protested.

"Yes, but it's a really epic battle scene, and I need to fully appreciate it's awesomeness!"

I laughed under my breath and leaned back in the armchair. We'd fallen into a routine of watching an episode of Game of Thrones during our lunch breaks, and as someone who had devoured all the books and watched all the series, I was quite happy to comply. Bob was still only on series 2 though, and it was taking every ounce of my self control not to ruin anything for him every time he commented on a character or a plot point. Watching the series knowing what was going to happen was a completely different experience - there were so many throwaway comments and apparently innocuous scenes that had me silently squirming in my seat thinking of what they led to.

As the episode finished, I couldn't resist any more.

"So, just out of interest, who's your favourite character?" It was my favourite question to ask people who hadn't read the books, figuring out what misery lay ahead for them.

Bob frowned slightly. "That's a difficult one. Dany is obviously awesome because she has dragons. I quite like Robb... but I think my overall favourite has to be Tyrion, he's hilarious."

"Hmmm." I stroked my chin and nodded sagely, giving nothing away. Bob's face dropped.

"He doesn't die, right?"

I shrugged.

"No, seriously Jane, he doesn't die? Oh my god, he dies! Tell me if he dies!"

I sighed dramatically. "Well, since you asked... Yes. He does." Bob stared at me in horror as I paused. "But at the same time... he doesn't. Well, he possibly could be dead. Or there's a fair chance he's still alive and kicking. Personally, I think that he's a lion no more, a Lannister deceased, an ex-dwarf... whilst at the same time being perfectly safe and causing all kinds of trouble across the realm as he so loves to do. So I think I'd summarise that as yes, no and a definite maybe all at the same time."

I grinned over at Bob as he stared back flatly.

"You know, sometimes I don't know why I let you into my flat. You're a horrible person."

"Aren't I just!" I smiled sweetly as I swanned past him into the kitchen and back to the waiting tutorials.

"I should just stick you in the hobbit hole and have done with it." He muttered as he put the kettle on and pulled out the coffee jar.

"How many times do I have to tell you! I am not a hobbit!"

He started listing off on his fingers. "Oh really? Well, one, you're tiny... two, you call your home county 'the shire'... three, Dave has confirmed that your feet are indeed horrifically hairy... I'm afraid the evidence is irrefutable, you're definitely a hobbit!"

I scowled at him, before suddenly picking up on what he said before. "Wait, what did you say? A hobbit hole?!"

"Wondered if you'd notice that." He grinned evilly and pointed above the kitchen door. "Gary and I were talking about how we've never opened that little hatch up there... and then we decided that it's because that hole is not for us mortal humans, it's clearly only the right size for tiny little hobbits like yourself. I don't know why you've been living in a human-sized flat all these years when you've got a perfectly good hobbit hole up there!"

I tried to swat him on the arm whilst keeping my train of thought on the tutorial question, and somehow managed to catapult the pen across the room. Grumbling to myself, I pushed my chair back to go and retrieve it. "That's such a stupid idea. For one, if I'm so ridiculously tiny, how am I even going to get up there in the first place?"

As I bent down, I suddenly felt arms around my waist before I was hoisted into the air and Bob joyfully yelled "Because we would THROW you up there!" in my ears.

"Ahhh! Bob! PUT ME DOWN RIGHT NOW!" I flailed wildly, trying to force him to drop me whilst he just laughed. He squeezed me tighter until I gave up.

"Have you stopped trying to kick me now?" He asked reprovingly.

"Yes. But if you don't put me down then you are getting kicked somewhere extremely painful!"

"Noo, that's not the answer I was looking for..." He warned as he began to swing me back and forth slightly towards the direction of the hobbit hole.

"Fine, fine! I won't kick you!" Bob stopped swinging me and dumped me unceremoniously back on my chair.

"See, that wasn't hard, right?" I ignored him as I sorted myself back out and started figuring out where I'd been in the tutorial question.

Bob just laughed at my silence. "Well, I got 99 problems, but being kicked ain't one..."

I glanced up briefly, confused. "Mm hmm."

I could feel him staring at me for a second, before smiling broadly. "You don't have a clue what I just referenced, do you?"

Feeling my face warm up, I kept resolutely looking down. "Of course I did, don't be silly."

"Oh yeah? What song was it then?"

Damn. I had no idea. But he had said song... "Umm... Nina's 99 Red Balloons?"

He burst out uncontrollably laughing, holding on to the table for support. "You are so out of touch at times, it's adorable. Where have you been living?!"

I looked up, smiling but embarrassed. "What? You know my permanent radio station is Absolute 80's! Reference Take On Me, or The Power Of Love, and then expect me to get it. Anyway, how did you know I didn't know?"

He grinned smugly. "You did your nose wrinkle."

"My what?"

"Your nose wrinkle, you do this really quick little nose wrinkle when you don't have a clue what someone just said. Or when you don't agree with someone but don't want to say, but then it's a bit of a longer nose wrinkle."

I sat there, a little speechless that he'd picked up on that.

"It's like when you touch your nose after you've done something embarrassing, like your nose is a magic time machine button that'll let you go back and erase it."

"I don't do that!" This time I was fairly certain he was making things up.

"Oh, yes you do! I'm pointing it out every time you do it now."

I started wrinkling my nose, realised what I was doing and tried to stop halfway through, then started automatically raising my hand to rub my nose.

"Arggh! My own body is betraying me!" I sat on my hands to get them to behave, fighting the urge to rub my nose. He was right, I'd just never noticed myself doing it before.

"See!" Bob said delightedly. "I told you! Ha, this is going to be a fun new game, you're never going to be able to do that unnoticed again..."

Groaning out loud, I freed one of my hands to pick up my pen. "Any more out of you except tutorial work in the next half hour, and I promise I'll tell you for certain whether Tyrion lives or dies!"

Bob sat up straight at that one, miming locking his lips and throwing away the key. I mimed catching it and carefully placed it in my pocket, before pointing at his tutorial sheet. Dramatically miming a sigh, Bob picked up his calculator. Smiling slightly, I finally turned back to my answers and started concentrating properly.